Cursing myself

In a little more than a week I will be running the Haliburton 100.  I’m not sure if I am ready for this.

Over the summer a couple of more experienced runners who actually ran this one recommended that I have a pacer, at least for the first time I race it.  So I got myself a good pacer.  Well, I think he is a good pacer, he has never paced a 100 miler before, so he is the same boat as me.  I am taking comfort in that he is a good runner, he’s a smart guy, and he will have rested ahead of joining me on the trail.  So that is one less worry for me.

This race has many drop points and aid stations that are well stocked from what I hear.  So even if I screw up my nutrition plan, I think that my plan B is covered.  At any rate, carb drink, a bunch of gels, BCAA pills and I am good.  I just need to put together a cadence plan for consuming these nutrients.  I am not worried about that.

I think what has me most unnerved right now is the simple fact that I haven’t run 161 km in one go.   If I think about it rationally, I should be able to finish.  Make sure I have everything, show up, pay attention, and run.  That’s as simple as it gets.  I don’t know why I am trying to find ways to complicate it.

I think it stems from my climb up Mount Hamel while I was hating myself.  Thinking that the run should have been easier, though it wasn’t.  I thought about why I even ran this races.  How crazy am I?  I thought, this was my last one.  Forget about all the plans to move forward.  If it was going to be this hard, why would I keep doing this?

I could have easily just not done the Hali 100.  After all I hadn’t even registered for it yet, which is strange.  Usually if I am committed, I commit financially.  I could have, without guilt of throwing away $200, just not run it; quietly delete any trace of commitment from my blog.

I think I am nervous because the race is one month after the last XL Ultra.  I haven’t run much in August either.  A full week off after CDR (basically), then easy 6-8 hour weeks and one week taper that is about to begin.  I’m afraid I have lost fitness.  I’m afraid of setting a goal and not coming with an hour of it (+ or – the goal time).

What am I in for?

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